@skar1984
A well expressed analytical thought.
For
me this is a topic revisited and rediscussed here @ DABH Forum. Last I
saw some of my forum pals disgusted with Sooraj's mute quality, his
tenacity and capacity to get sandwiched, but not speak a word against
his mother's atrocious behaviour from Oct 2011 to Feb 2011 towards
Sandhya, who could be anyone's daughter, married and then no one
physically there to support her from family in those times. Especially
the way, she was throwing Sandhya out...and many other things...they
were like Bhabho should be reported to authorities for all kinds of
abuses.
We see a
sandwiched Sooraj. I had stopped watching DABH unable to see the loud
drama. But then used to track my friends posts here. By April 2012,
when Sooraj turned against Sandhya, those friends were upset with him
and their tolerance levels were breached and they left too.
May
be like me, even they have kept track of on and off progress in silent
manner...as in we didn't want to get too engrossed in drama that reeks
of lies and injustices and yet needed to see progress of Sooraj as the
Man...like growing a worthy spine and what happens to SurYA...
NOW...why is that even now Sooraj has still my respect ?????
Because, story telling for Sooraj's character has been smooth execution.
I
have seen Sooraj grow from being a Momma's boy to be determined to be a
supportive husband as well. I have seen Sooraj feeling as much pain as
Sandhya; everytime his mother and his family was humiliating his wife. I
have seen Sooraj standing on his room's threshold, always wondering if
Sandhya will take his help, will want him, him entering his own room in
an apprehensive manner as not to intrude her wife's privacy.
YES...I
agree Sooraj has been MUTE to INJUSTICE...but its not that he is mute
just towards his wife...this man doesn't even defend himself when his
sister Chavi and his brothers Mohit and Vikram start mocking him.
Yes, we feel bad that he doesn't speak at all...But
I see it as his way of staying away from dirt and muddying himself
unnecessarily in getting into middle of squabbles. For him life took
away the opportunity to be a learned man when he was 13 years. And now
when he was married at 25, he saw another opportunity knocking at his
door through his wife, who was showing a separate world to him, that was
so different from what his mother, brothers and sisters profess.
And though Sooraj hardly understanding anything about Sandhya, what he
could see was the same honesty, truth, principles, courage,
determination, being respectful to elders in Sandhya like his mother.
And just like his mother was angry for being disappointed in Sandhya,
he could also see that Sandhya was disappointed in him and his family
and yet the girl was trying to accept them to be save her parents
honour, just as Bhabho was trying to tolerate Sandhya as she could not
sever a marriage just like that at her whim, even though that is what
she wanted.
Sooraj
sees a strong personality in Sandhya who deserves his respect, since
the moment Sandhya actually starts rejecting him in anger, even before
the consummation night. He has his worst nightmare of his times, when he
sees Sandhya refusing to come down to Bhabho for Chudi-Utaarna Rasm
following the consummation night fiasco. We see here a panicking
Sooraj...as if he knows his marriage is almost over and waiting to
explode on his mother's face. He is worried to the core and also
preparing for the worst to come...that he had somehow absorbed the shock
he got the previous night, and how can his mother now absorb this shock
that Sandhya was going to give it to his mother...he also knows how
Bhabho will make it double insulting by taking the rejection not just
towards her, but for her son as well.
This
was his WORST moment in his life...A Man actually Having NO Value in
the Woman's eyes he married. At his worst moment too, the man effaces
himself as nothing, as no worthy husband to her, and yet as the son of
the house and as the man still bound to her in marriage, says in
requestful manner to think what she is going to achieve by just being
angry and not communicating and not talking to him. He states to her,
she is not even helping herself by just being rebeliious and stubborn.
That resolute statement won me towards his side that day.
And
from here on I started giving some space to Sooraj. Its not that I
forgave him for being mute towards injustice, but I started seeing that
he was ready to get sandwiched between Mom and Wife, he grew overnight
from being momma's boy to a responsible husband. He got that lesson when
he saw Sandhya rejecting HIM. And when he sees himself as the cause of
her Pain in unsaid manner, it is Sooraj's better sense that tells him
that he needs to take care of his wife even as she is not giving him one
chance to take care of her. Everyday he starts fighting her rejection
of him, coz he has no choice left than to fight back.
And
in parallel as Bhabho's atrocities become too much, we see him
stepping in as the husband standing by her side...its again done without
even a word, but his mother already sees it as rebel. But Sooraj is
like already determined to take care of his wife.
Yes,
there was always a LOT that Sooraj was in SHORT of Sandhya or any
today's NORMAL girl's expectations, but we see that it is only this
extremely unfit type of husband or person, who actually respects the
intelligent girl and takes care of her.
I
will not say that such men do not exist. Coz I have seen my male
cousins (back in villages...lot older to me) how they manage the mother
and wife in that patriarchal joint family. I have seen how they remain
smart by not saying anything and always keeping both mother and wife on
their toes as to never knowing what they might do to him. Its difficult
for men to manage, but they know they cannot be both Momma's boy and
Joroo ka Gulam, unless it selfishly suits their needs. Look at Vikram
Rathi...he is both Momma's Boy and Joroo Ka Gulaam. Coz, he is that
Thaali ka Baingan who shifts his support between Mom and Wife as it
benefits him. That is the TRUE NATURE of MAN...most of the time.
And
if I compare Vikram Rathi and Sooraj Rathi, and I see in Vikram an
ordinary man, then I also see Sooraj on the same plane. He too is a man
who has self-interests and keeps going for them. Just that Vikram's
interests are selfish and vain and Sooraj's interests are selfless and
noble. Just like Vikram tries to get away with his Mom and Wife per his
desires, Sooraj messes himself both with his mother and wife per his
desires to see the ultimate good happening.
The
oft discussed topic that Sooraj and Sandhya do not talk much and do not
share everything actually that is what insulates them in this joint
family. As too much discussion and transparency is sometimes dangerous
before relationships have actually withstood hardships. Sometimes the
less we talk and more we develop alternate channel of communication, the
better and it helps in surviving hostile joint family structures. And
as trust builds, everything gradually falls into its place.
Over
the long ramble what I meant to say is that...we cannot blame Sooraj
for being MUTE towards INJUSTICE, as the person Sooraj ACTUALLY was
NEVER GROUNDED ENUF to KNOW What is Right and What is Wrong.
And he used to THINK His Mom's word was the WORD of WISDOM. But ever
since his WIFE started to rejected HIM, HE FELT the NEED to GROW as the
MAN...and we see a more disturbed Sooraj at HIS INADEQUACY than HIS
Momma's bullyism. And in the process, he starts doing the RIGHT THING
FOR HIMSELF, BY HIMSELF and doesn't have a qualm breaking his Momma's
traditions as he has the confidence that his mother may not understand
his thought behind the act, but she does love him and will one day
understand him, as he loves her too and will never do the wrong to her.
THAT is HIS FAITH THERE...which always WORKED for HIM.
Various
scenes throughout October, November, December 2011, January and
February 2012 feed a lot of situations in Sooraj's mind related to
Sandhya, both outside RP House and within RP House and GG room, that
become lessons for him to evolve.
I
hope you all see NOW how the story telling itself is different for
Sooraj and how the Obediant Son is also able to become the Loving
Husband...its because the story targeted on HIM being ILL-MATCHED and
UNSUITABLE HUSBAND and plot is developed for him to EVOLVE as as GOOD
HUSBAND. And in the process he also grows up to SHED his MOMMA's BOY
image to just remain as Dutiful and Loving Son.
