Friday, July 12, 2013

Sandhya : The Wife Taking Over the The Daughter-in-Law

11th July 2013

This was a post written by shruthiravi in India Forums DABH Forum.  I found it interesting and had responded to Shruti and further took the conversation forward with her. 

Originally posted by shruthiravi
Actually Umaji's post combined with me watching SURYA heart to heart talk at night college where she refuses to go class made me write this.   Dont kill me for writing this. But I guess it is time we discussed. We all are drooling over SURYA and DABH as it is completing 500 episode tomorrow. I am also with you happy about 500 episode and all. Unlike many senior members I am not worried about lack of intimacy and consummation between SURYA, but there is something else that troubles me in their so called perfect relationship.
So let me come to the point. In that heart to heart  talk Sandhya clearly tells that what Bhabo wanted was a simple beendini and her brother had known that and knowing that only he married her to Rathi Parivaar (RP). So Bhabo didnt hide her expectation and it is her duty to safeguard the word given by her brother to RP. So her priority has been to safeguard the word of being a Bahu, her brother had not given any word that she will be a perfect wife. So the wife picture simply does not have seem to bother her.
Sooraj being a nice person she might tolerate him so that she fulfills all the duties of a bahu that includes giving a waaris to RP. But her whole problem now is Sooraj who simply preventing her from being that, I mean perfect bahu. Somehow Sooraj doesnt seem to be among guys who doesnt think much about how their wives feel. They would like to think their wives are happy being wife and mother. In other hand Sooraj has guessed Sandhya's trauma, her indecisions, her reluctance to have a married life and of course her dream. He wants to bring all the happiness to her and he wants her as the person she is. He doesnt seem to want her in a way that Bhabo wants to make out of Sandhya. Somehow Sooraj doesnt seem to able to love her like that. His whole business of staying away from consummation may be because of that as he feels she somehow still doesn't seems to open up to him and tries to please Bhabo.
Now Sooraj's business of supporting Sandhya whenever Bhabo opposes her has put Sandhya in a real dilemma. I mean she cannot be gratitude less to such a helping person. She thinks she loves him, but the fact is that she likes him and has an attraction towards him and again she sees her relationship to him only through the eyes of Bhabo. She considers Sooraj a friend a person who can console her after Bhabo's aangan drama. Not a husband with whom she should share her most intimate fears. I am sure Sandhya will walk out if Bhabo says she no longer wants Sandhya as her Bahu as she doesnt meet her expectations. But Bhabo's problem is that she is unable to do that because of Sooraj.
This is the problem I see in SURYA relationship. Sandhya's utter lack of romantic interest in Sooraj and placing Bhabo over him. She does not even shown spending time with him discussing her fears and about their married life. She does not seem to understand her husband loves her the way she is and cannot love her the way Bhabo wants her to be. She is not understanding for a woman the most important thing is the acceptance of her husband, other people are secondary. Sooraj has told her this multiple times, but still she thinks of Bhabo only.

So what do you think. Will Sandhya come out of Bhabo and Parivaar business. Will she choose Sooraj once and for all. What do you think need to happen in the serial for this to happen. For her to understand it is only Sooraj she has and it needs to be Sooraj's interest she has to place on top of everything.

Originally posted by shruthiravi

@iluvsuraj. For me she has a problem, a big problem. Till I watched that night college episode I was under the impression that it is her dream that is stopping her from being intimate to Sooraj. But after watching it I understood that the dream has nothing to do with it. She wants to be perfect bahu, unfortunately Sooraj is not allowing her to be one, by staying away from her. So Sooraj is her biggest problem now who is not allowing her to sacrifice and be what Bhabo wants her to be. 

She really really needs to understand the true value of Sooraj in her life yet.


Honestly there is no problem that way from Sandhya or Deepika's Singh's acting. Both are doing great.  Honestly it is story's ugly requirement for Consummation to NOT that is going to be another TRP high point.  So they unnecessarily make Sandhya hesitate sometimes to not let the intimacy to develop and sometimes show Sandhya all loving and liking Sooraj that she wants him to keep looking at her, call her, tease that viewer interest is maintained in the couple.

I think it is more of a story-writing problem. 

 Look ...let's assume consummation happens. How can you avoid child-bearing once that happens ?!!! Sandhya cannot be shown to be using pills to avoid that she will not be an ideal Beendni. So Sooraj helps her out saying...I will never do anything that will stop you from achieving your dream.  remember the rainy night and the cart scene ?!!!

Bhabho has a big problem in Sandhya becoming a Police officer...the uniform itself is everything that is ANTI-WOMAN like.  So its hard to imagine  Sandhya as Bahu in that uniform...forget a preggy wife ...God knows how much opposition Sandhya will have in doing her duty everyday. 

In contrast if Sandhya's dream was to become a Collector, even then consummation would not have been such an issue. Because she will be still saree clad and not running around catching people.

I think...this time Star Parivaar's inclusion of Mary Kom is apt one. She is live example of Indian Police Officer, boxer and a mother of twins. We have examples of Kiran Bedi as well...but the aspect of being a mother, wife and also being someone like Mary Kom is something that the writers can work on.

I think the writers are primarily focussing on getting Sandhya become the IPS officer and later will handle her WIFE right now if they touch that...they will not be able to do justice to the story.  They are focussing on what is more important and that is being PORTRAYED by none other than SOORAJ...the wise guy of the show...who understands the future even before his wife or mother are able to understand.  He knows Sandhya can never say No to him...but he himself does not want to complicate things.

The drama is lil bit maintained showing Sandhya as hesitant, but then they are also showing scenes where Sandhya won't mind Sooraj kissing her or touching her. Its just that she likes romancing with him but would rather be his girl friend than be a wife so soon.  I have no issues with that...because their romance is so much better than them taking it closure with consummation...coz even me like the writers. Sandhya and Sooraj...don't want intimacy now without completion of IPS dream...hence my interpretation of Sandhya's hesitation as that fear of "her never being able to achieve the dream" if she becomes wife so soon...Coz...there are implications there. 

As for Sandhya's deepening of love for Sooraj...I am seeing it for the first time being addressed after the 2nd MATKA PHOD.  Sandhya wants to be the ideal Bahu...but Sooraj's way of reacting to the situation, the ghaat scene has actually exposed to Sandhya what she is doing to Sooraj with her betraying his faith and trust on her.  So these are her FIRST FEW DAYS where her love for him has deepened in the sense...where slowly he is becoming higher than Bhabho in her life.  But she will not realize her own understanding of that knowledge that Sooraj now means everything to her. For that to happen, she needs the THIRD MATKA PHOD.  It is then she will realize her love for him through the HURT inflicted by her on him.

Responded by Shrutiarvi
Thanks a lot for responding. I was also of the same opinion you have. More than pregnancy business I had always felt at this point Sandhya will only tolerate him and not accept. Sooraj wants Sandhya's complete acceptance before taking the relationship to next level and that is possible only after IPS.
But she gives over importance to Bhabo, esp after second MP that made me write this post.

Responded by Myself - The deepening of Love
Thanks for the return.
I see your point and infact, like I said in my forum...that deepening of love is being addressed for Sandhya now.  Sandhya always lags behind Sooraj in liking and loving...except in matters of understanding on facts about Sooraj and what she can do with her marriage with him, Sandhya has been ahead of Sooraj from the beginning without his help.

That's what I like about the couple. They are always shown as being supportive to each much that love seems to be a relegated topic between them. It is neither discussed between them nor it is felt as an emotional feeling.  They are shown discussing their marriage but not discussing their love. Because even for Sooraj falling in love with his wife was never his wish about the marriage initially, though Sandhya toppled his plan from the moment he looked at her.  Sooraj's dream about his wife was to be a good Beendni (DIL) who will be a homemaker and not a housebreaker.

I said this before ...again in response to your post. Strange isn't it ? I always feel like continuing on what you say.  That way I am happy, I can discuss the show with someone who has same wavelength as me regarding DABH.

Anyways...referencing that post here

It has that youtube video link.  

So those were their aspirations at the beginning of the marriage.
And that was the reversed case with each of them swapping their dreams by the end of 2nd MATKA PHOD drama.

After 2nd MATKA where the couple undergoes yet again a change in their mutual dynamics.  Now lets see their development of falling in love...which was not the wish of either of them.  Honestly in arranged can be husband and wife and love each other very late into marriage...but this is where SurYa...had challenges.  Both ...without knowing each other or themselves...both on seeing the person they are married to...agree on ONE point. And that is...that they cannot commit to each other unless they are assured in love about each other. They are each ready to become good Beend and Beendni outside of their room...but within their own room, in that privacy, each of them wants to be accepted pati and patni with their reservations, feelings as they come out of them or grow upon.  It is each's pride that holds them to continue with their Sooraj...a man who can very well touch his wife (like earlier when he was tying her saree when she was fumbling), very well give her his piece of mind without losing his coolness...he is self-controlled and adament that Sandhya should accept him full-fledgedly with her heart.  Same way Sandhya, who can rationally go about everything...but freezes the moment she realizes how close she is getting to be with Sooraj.  Sandhya is like aghast at her own predicament that how is she even allowing herself to get that close to Sooraj. Its like somewhere she told her heart...this was never the deal that people made her accept...she was asked to be a good Bahu and sacrifice her IPS dream for it...then that's about it...nothing more.

Against these psyches...we have God's hand playing against their mind.

First Sooraj falls in love with her. Which time and again is the cause of wrath and pain towards his wife Sandhya as in jealous rage, Bhabho does not allow Sandhya to become a good Beendni. See the contrast with Emily...she is Bhabho's fav these days because Mohit does not love her but uses her as doormat...and she spites Sandhya because she has Sooraj's in Meena who is loved by Vikram.

Did Sooraj ever stop loving Sandhya...just because he is becoming a hurdle to Sandhya in becoming good Beendni. No. Because he could not stop himself...and in frustration and desperation, he wanted Sandhya to go away from their lives so that she gets to have her share of her happiness away from Rathi Pariwaar.

Then Sandhya falls in love with Sooraj. Which is like bliss for Sooraj.  There is nothing much we can talk about here...because Sandhya when her love for Sooraj oozes out...she expresses it so naturally that somehow no one has any problems...especially Bhabho...and usually by that time...Sandhya usually has all her Beendni tasks quite in control.  This happened by end of Singapore Chef competition track.
Moral of the story at that point for Sooraj was leave it to Sandhya, give her time and be supportive, she will be the ideal Beendni and a desired partner for him that he wants of her. His dream is completed, come true.

Here comes the twist in their lives.

Sooraj would have taken forward his marriage with Sandhya...but fate has other things in store. He gets to know of her parents and her dreams.  Then the mission in his life changes. He realizes it was not for his love or to be a Beendni that Sandhya got married to him...he sees it as God entrusted a responsibility on him through her. So he makes it a mission that he will fulfill her dreams.  That means taking his love to backseat and bring his care and attention to front and help Sandhya in a way she never would have dreamed.

Did Sooraj stop helping her openly for her continuing of education ? No never. He again invited wrath and pain for Bhabho for having placed his wife higher than anyone in his life. He was ready to end his life for his mother knowing that she would do what she has to...but he doesn't waver from what he has to do for Sandhya. its open war between a MIL and her DIL's husband and a pain felt by mother for her son.  Again this is a PAINFUL period for Sandhya like the earlier phase and Sooraj becomes reason for her as well to be angry of pained with him. If you understand the 2nd failed consummation scene between the is somehow Sandhya's anger turned into pain for how she is cheating him by listening to his mother's brainwashing. And all that was happening because of Sooraj's obstinacy that Sandhya should continue her education. For Sandhya at that was like all her hard work into becoming good Beendni was going down the drain.  And hence that silent anger and refusal to talk to him.

Now when does Sandhya finally realize Sooraj's view point that started from those Oct 2012 days when her study discussion started. It is only after 2nd Matka Phod.  Just like when enacting the consummation scene she was trying to please Bhabho and maintain peace for house and maintain peace and love between son and mother by putting a permanent end to her IPS dream, during the 2nd MATKA phod also, she was in the same mental frame. She wanted to put an end to Bhabho drama (though this time she saw her MIL resorting to tricks unlike indirect brainwashing through massage and all) and forever make peace for the sake of the house with Sooraj and Bhabho stalemate to end.  HOWEVER...yes a BIG HOWEVER...when she starts missing the understanding Sooraj around her, she starts getting nervous. She is pained to see a different Sooraj at the Ghaat...that Sooraj who is not in himself...was lost in his own world and from there was trying to life her spirits.  It is then she realizes what a mistake she made by having the 2nd MATKA break.  I am sure she must have felt a stabbing pain when instead of her consoling him, she sees a forlorn Sooraj...trying to be strong for her, full of optimistic belief embraces her. We see a couple, each pained and emotional in two separate manners...and actually each is hiding himself from the other...both are not looking at each other...yet they are close physically, hearts beating against each other for their different reasons with full of conflict.  

Sandhya getting that jolt of her life...gets another jolt with the 3rd MATKA gaurantee. She is continuing to see a Sooraj so different from the man she knew of him. He is not himself...but a man living a hope, a dream himself. Wasn't he like HER...when she was living her dream as her life...the Sandhya before and after marriage until she became a Beendni from her heart ?!!!  The Umbrella scene comes and Sandhya once again is ready to go for her IPS dream...not for herself...but for her husband.  I think this was the moment...when Sandhya's heart and not her head which made her forget about Bhabho and Beendni one human to another, as one loving person to another, as one trusting person to another, she gives in to Sooraj.  She for the first listening to him as if he is commanding her.  If you see her turning herself into a Beendni, it was purely her own decision and never Sooraj's advice.  But this IPS dream is like his command. we move into the MKD night out studying...and Sandhya suddenly remembering her father and telling Sooraj of what her father may be thinking now...she cuts Sooraj's interpretation in the past about her father's aspirations for her husband...and says...I know my father would have been proud to know that my daughter is married to this great Halwayee.

Now if you ask me...why bring her father when Sooraj is already sorts of looking like a father to her by taking care of her as his daughter. Coz it was important for us viewers to hear it from the horse's mouth.  It had to be Sandhya who tells us that yes indeed...Sooraj may be acting like her father by making her go for her studies and dreams and watching over her just like her father, but Sandhya the grown up woman now is understanding that she still sees Sooraj as her husband with whom her happiness lies and she had MADE this ACCEPTANCE through her Father's words for her. Basically she indirectly was telling Sooraj that her father has blessed her about her choice in that Halwayee husband of hers.

So finally the MISHAP ill-fitting marriage is dropped by Sandhya and FATEFUL marriage with God's hand in it is accepted by her. So in her heart, now she is RIGHTFULLY WEDDED to SOORAJ.

And from here onwards we are seeing the remote scene, or the combing scene or yesterday's ringing words about his faith on her will allow her to get the free saree from Meena. In all of the three incidents, we see a lost Sooraj who is not being romantic...we have a self-forgetful Sooraj in Baniyaan donning the Kurta right in front of Sandhya and not feeling shy or embarrassed (2 scenes) and we see Sandhya taking upper hand in both cases...scolding him in 1st scene very possessively about him and again possessively making him sit and combing his hair.

Isn't now that what a wife should feel for her husband?  Finally we have the Sandhya Wife coming out.

I am sure when 3rd MATKA breaks...Sandhya will have lots of reasons as Beendni to protect her family and she will also be conflicted as WIFE...but I have a feeling that she will LET 3rd MATKA PHOD happen while possessively PROTECTING her husband's respect and honour at HOME. I think she will take the risk of losing his trust on her, but will not be ready to see his image going down...all due to Bhabho's UPCOMING tricks.

So CHILL...Sandhya the WIFE has finally come out.  She is already a good Beendni, she already proved it through 2nd Matka.  3rd Matka is for her husband. She wins the Quiz, she makes Sooraj happy. She loses in the Quiz, she is saving Sooraj's honour in Rathi Parwaar (unlike previous times where she used to do things for Bhabho and not Sooraj) .

So what do you say ?  Let's wait and watch and see if my analysis will come true LOL.

Responded by shrutiarvi 
I agree to your point except one. Sooraj's honour in RP depends on Sandhya safeguarding his trust. Else Bahbo will mock him, even Chavi will not hesitate that he placed too much trust on her. His honour, his image in RP everything depends on her. She cannot allow her husband standing in front of Bhabo and listen to insults telling that he was an idiot to trust his wife.If she loses Bhabo will sure give Sooraj an earful of abuses in the aangan , with Meena adding fuel to fire.  A wife will not allow it. That's my belief Big smile

16th July 2013 - Shruti's post on the same after watching the episode 502

The highlight of today's episode for me was the fire in Sandhya's eyes when she replied to Meena. 
The same fire which I had seen in a daughter who was fiercely trying to protect her parent's honour. I saw a fierce Sandhya today , the face which I saw during the initial days of her marriage. The fiery girl who questioned her husband about her identity, the fiery girl who told her MIL her parents had given good Sanskaars, the fiery girl who told her husband she was in RP not to guard his honour but to give the examination of her Sanskaar was back. 

Only difference she was not a girl anymore. The daughter who was willing to tolerate a marriage to a halwai for safeguarding her parents honour, the sister who was tolerating the abuse from Bhabo for honouring the word given by her brother that she will be an ideal bahu has grown up. This time the fire in her eyes was reserved for her husband. It showed she will go any extreme to safeguard his trust. The day Sooraj gave the matka in Bhabo's hand and told this is the trust of a husband, Sandhya also started growing up.
She started realizing she was a wife and as a wife the most important person for her is her husband. I have trust in her. The daughter who suffered the extreme abuse in RP for safeguarding her parents honour  will do the same as a wife for her husband. Nothing can stop her. Her eyes today showed that girl is no longer there, in its place a woman safeguarding her husband's honour was there.

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